"You Can't Do That!"

I've always been a rather independent person.  I credit my parents.  As early as kindergarten, I began staying home by myself after school.  I was perfectly fine.  I would come home, make the mandatory phone call to my mom at work, and proceed to the adventures my imagination would create.   There was never a fear of being alone.  I knew I could take care of myself.

Unfortunately, my early sense of independence has also come with a dark side.  I can not handle being told, "You can't do that!"  All sense of rational thinking goes out the window.  The mere thought of someone else questioning my ability to overcome any challenge sends me into an intense defensive mode.  I become angry and become so focused on proving others wrong at all costs.  It's not that I have some false belief that I can do anything.  I know I have limitations.  But having someone else sense those limitations in me is unacceptable.

I've been pushed into the "You Can't Do That!" corner once again.  I have the challenge of developing an enitrely new program for kids with no money and only 30 minutes a week.  An overwhelming challenge?  Yes.  One that I feel is important?  Yes.

I attempted to talk out my thoughts with two people only to be told immediately, it can't be done.  Did they listen to my thoughts?  No.  Did they hear about the prep work I've already put into it?  No.  They heard the monetary and time constraints and shut me down. 

I allowed the anger to be there for awhile, but now it has become motivation.  I don't know how yet, but I will prove them wrong.  After all, it's for my kids.  Failing them is not an option.

Goodbye 2011!

I'm baaaaaaccccck!  No excuses.  Just pure laziness on my part.  I just came to a point where I felt like I had nothing important to say.  Important or not, I'm back just the same.

I have to say, I'm glad to see 2011 go.  It wasn't that it was a horrible year filled with unhappiness or tragedy for me.  It was just a year filled with growing pains.  It was a year where I was brave enough to face some things I had chosen to ignore.  I didn't gain any huge insight or find the answers to all my questions.  But, I did learn to start putting myself first in a totally unselfish way.

So here's to 2012.  I don't have any resolutions or big dreams for the upcoming year.  My only wish is one that I hope comes true for everyone.  May this year be filled with happy surprises and unexpected opportunity. 

The Heat Is On!

We hit a record high of 106 today.  I would have liked to be sitting at home in the air conditioning (which I got fixed last week!) but instead I was working on the second floor of a building without air conditioning attempting to put oil based paint on metal door frames. 

I'll be back on the second floor again tomorrow, but I do get a bit of a reprieve.  I'll be leaving mid afternoon to go the the dentist.

Yes, only record high temps and painting in an un-airconditioned building could make me actually look forward to going to the dentist.

The Adventures of Summer Continue

I had the opportunity to accompany my mom and the nieces and nephew to a museum today.  While I found the musuem interesting, I had much more fun observing these four characters.

There were many props and dress up items in the musuem.  My crew decided to go outside and pretend to be locked up in jail.

Guess we know who not to call when in need of bail money.

Of course, it's the same child who claims her siblings are all adopted.

Let's face it.  It's always a great day when I get to be around these faces.

Bon Voyage Pirates

It's the first evening at home since leaving my pirate friends at the theatre.  The last performance was yesterday.  We had a sold out audience and even had to sell some extra seats.

As much fun as my time on stage was, the behind the scenes moments are my favorites.  The memories and bonding that took place backstage over a plate of Mike and Ikes was worth the countless hours of rehearsal.

We will forever be known as the "Band of Idiots" and will wear the title with pride.

Heat Exhaustion

It's official.  I have become a wimp.  After days and days of temperatures in triple digits combined with high humidity, I have reached my breaking point.  I'm tired of showering multiple times a day just to go outside and work up a sweat walking to the car.  I'm tired of breaking a sweat while watering plants and flowers in the early morning hours.  I'm tired of listening to the roar of the air conditioner as it tries in vain to keep the house at a reaonable temperature.

I wasn't always like this.  Growing up, I lived in a house without an air conditioner and thought nothing of it.  My parents very wisely got a family membership to the pool just two blocks away from our house.  While they were at work, I spent my days riding my bike back and forth to the pool where all the stay at home moms and babysitters looked out for all the kids in the neighborhood.  If I was at home and I got too hot, I would go outside and put my head under the hose.

But now, things are different.   These days of high heat have zapped my energy.  All I need is a couple of  "sweat free" days to turn my mood around.  Unforunately, those days do not look like they will be here any time soon. 

So, now I'm off to take the second shower of the day.  I will then head to the theatre to perform two shows under the hot lights.  I predict another two showers before I go to bed tonight.

Product vs. Process

Generally speaking, I consider myself to be a creative person.  Unfortunately, my skills don't necessarily live up to my creative potential.  The ideas are there, but something seems to go wrong in the process in of bringing that idea to reality.  As a kindergarten teacher, my lack of ability means nothing to the little people in my life.  They see the beauty in every creation.

So imagine the anxiety I felt when I arrived at theatre camp for 44 first thru sixth graders and was told I was in charge of helping them to create their costumes.  No sewing machine.  No patterns.  No suggestions.  No help from other adults.  Just a tub of fabric scraps, a few pre-made items, scissors, and a bunch of needles and thread.  Oh, and I only had 90 minutes with each group during the week to make it happen.  (Where was my aunt Jolene when I needed her???)

These poor kids!  They looked to me help.  I looked back at them with panic in my eyes.  I wasn't sure what I had gotten myself into, but I knew I couldn't let the kids down.  I turned the tables back on them.  What do you want your costume to look like?  Dig into that fabric box and see what inspires you.

They came to me with their ideas.  They wanted vests, shirts, skirts, dresses, belts, headbands, capes, and hats.  I took the scissors and started cutting.  They gave me instructions as to where to cut.  I gave them needles and thread and showed them how to embellish their creations.  They came to me with ideas on how to make it bigger and better.  I helped them when they wanted help and stood aside when the didn't.  They blew me away with their creations.

In the end, we ended up with 44 very happy kids with very creative costumes.  They may have been a little rough around the edges, but the kids were ready to walk the runway with pride in their creations.  It was a reminder to me that it's not the finished product--it's finding enjoyment in the process that matters.