Family Lessons

Ahhhh....Saturday.  After the long week (who decided having our back to school night and our fun run back to back was a good idea anyway!), I had planned on devoting the day to as little movement as possible.  And then I was invited to go on a hike with the two little gals pictured above. 

I got dressed and followed them through the wooded area.  They were full of sassiness and giggles.  They had stories and jokes.  They turned a simple walk into an adventure.  And the lead the way the entire time.

It's impossible to describe how much I love my three nieces and my nephew.  Being their aunt is truly the most important, most rewarding, most fulfilling role I will ever have in my life. 

It also makes me a better teacher.

I have pictures of my nieces and my nephew in my classroom.  They aren't there to make me think of them.  I think of them all the time.  They are there as a reminder of the person I need to be. 

Every second I spend with kids in my classroom with kids, four of the most important people in my world are in classrooms with teachers.  I want those teachers to love them when they are hard to love.  I want those teachers to see the looks in their eyes and know what they need.  I want those teachers to embrace the quailities that make them special.  I want those teacher to know that every story (true or not) is important.  I want those teachers to just make them feel loved and respected. 

I look at their pictures and I am reminded of all the things I want for them.  I think of the two special boys in Colorado.  The sons of two of my cousins who are in kindergarten.  I become inspired.  I try each day to be the teacher that I want for the members my family.  There are days when I'm not going to succeed.  But my nieces and my nephew, the boys in Colorado, and the 35 individuals in my classroom help me to strive to be more.

So thank you, E and little b, for leading the way today.  No one loves you like I do!

The First Two Weeks

I've been back in kindergarten for two weeks.  Two very exhausting, very trying weeks.

The first morning brought me 17 little darlings.  They came in with their smiles, their excitement, and their take on the world approach to life.  They were followed by 18 equally wonderful bundles of energy in the afternoon.  And they all looked to me for everything.  The "where is" questions, the "how do I" questions, the "when can I" questions, and the "how come" questions.  I did my best to answer each and every one, but I'm sure some went unanswered.

I teach in a rather small school.  I am the only kindergarten teacher.  I am the only one who interacts with these kids daily.  I know they depend on me for all of their school needs, but I don't know them yet.  Unlike the other teachers in my school, I can't go to the teacher before me and get infomation about my kiddos.  More than the academic stuff.  The important stuff like what can turn tears into a smile and what makes them giggle. There is so much to learn about each and every one of those 35 kids.  I know it takes time.  I know it takes work.  But I want to know now. I don't want to waste a day.

We've learned a lot during the first two weeks.  They know my name.  They can now find their favorite toys.  They know where their math journals go.  They know what to do when they finish their work.  I know what books are their favorites so far.  I know who needs more time.  I know who needs help but won't always ask for it.  I know what some of the looks on their faces really mean. 

So, I've been back in kindergaten for two weeks.  Two very exhausting, very trying weeks.  And now the foundation has been set for a fantastic year.

Always a Silver Lining

Life has been busy this summer.  Despite having time off from my "real" job, I have managed to fill the time with two jobs and a volunteer position.  This week was crunch week.  My two jobs overlapped and needed to be finished while my real job began calling me back.  I told myself I had to put my head down and go into survival mode.  Surely I could do it for one week.

And then, plans took an unexpected turn.  I received a call that my grandmother needed to be admitted to the hospital.  With that one call, all the spinning plates I had balancing in the air came crashing down.  Painting, furniture moving, and all the other tasks that filled my days were forgotten. 

My mother was taking care of my nieces and nephew.  I took the kids so she could be with her mother.  In a lot of ways, being with those four not-so-little-anymore people was exactly what I needed.  Not just to distract me from what was going on at the hospital, but to give me the time I wanted with them instead of working.  Here is the shortened version of what I got from the overnight experience:

1.  A teenage girl can have her difficult moments, but family still matters most.  She offered to finish dinner while I took a shower and got a bit teary-eyed when I told them all about what was going on with their great-grandmother.  She even slept on the floor so her siblings could have the more comfortable spots.

2. My boy has the biggest, most giving heart.  Oh, how I love that boy!  There was no hesitation when I needed his help with various tasks.   And despite reaching the age where he no longer wants to be hugged, I was on the receiving end of a giant hug.

3.  My little Missy-Moo is growing up way too fast.  At seven, she thinks she is too big for bedtime stories and wants to be with the "big kids."  That being said, I was able to read to her before bed and got some serious snuggle time in first thing the next morning.  She even did her creepy playing with my elbow thing she has done since she was a baby.  I absolutely hate it, but who knows when the last time is coming.

4.  Our little b.  Most of the time little b is under the impression that she is really an only child.  That being said, it was more than a bit moving to see her clean off the table and then set the table for dinner.  I also got some one on one snuggle time with her as I had to read three bedtime stories. I'm pretty sure it's the longest the child has ever been still in her life.

5.  As I was getting ready to go to bed, whispering an "I love you" to each one, I couldn't help but smile.  They were all snuggling under the blankets I had made for them.  The blankets had made the cut as they rushed around gathering things for the night.

The money I was supposed to make working has gone to someone else, but I am far richer.  Being forced to slow down and see what was really important was worth far more to me than any amount of money.  The hundreds of little moments that happened during those precious hours has filled me with tremendous pride, joy and love.

"You Can't Do That!"

I've always been a rather independent person.  I credit my parents.  As early as kindergarten, I began staying home by myself after school.  I was perfectly fine.  I would come home, make the mandatory phone call to my mom at work, and proceed to the adventures my imagination would create.   There was never a fear of being alone.  I knew I could take care of myself.

Unfortunately, my early sense of independence has also come with a dark side.  I can not handle being told, "You can't do that!"  All sense of rational thinking goes out the window.  The mere thought of someone else questioning my ability to overcome any challenge sends me into an intense defensive mode.  I become angry and become so focused on proving others wrong at all costs.  It's not that I have some false belief that I can do anything.  I know I have limitations.  But having someone else sense those limitations in me is unacceptable.

I've been pushed into the "You Can't Do That!" corner once again.  I have the challenge of developing an enitrely new program for kids with no money and only 30 minutes a week.  An overwhelming challenge?  Yes.  One that I feel is important?  Yes.

I attempted to talk out my thoughts with two people only to be told immediately, it can't be done.  Did they listen to my thoughts?  No.  Did they hear about the prep work I've already put into it?  No.  They heard the monetary and time constraints and shut me down. 

I allowed the anger to be there for awhile, but now it has become motivation.  I don't know how yet, but I will prove them wrong.  After all, it's for my kids.  Failing them is not an option.

Goodbye 2011!

I'm baaaaaaccccck!  No excuses.  Just pure laziness on my part.  I just came to a point where I felt like I had nothing important to say.  Important or not, I'm back just the same.

I have to say, I'm glad to see 2011 go.  It wasn't that it was a horrible year filled with unhappiness or tragedy for me.  It was just a year filled with growing pains.  It was a year where I was brave enough to face some things I had chosen to ignore.  I didn't gain any huge insight or find the answers to all my questions.  But, I did learn to start putting myself first in a totally unselfish way.

So here's to 2012.  I don't have any resolutions or big dreams for the upcoming year.  My only wish is one that I hope comes true for everyone.  May this year be filled with happy surprises and unexpected opportunity. 

Product vs. Process

Generally speaking, I consider myself to be a creative person.  Unfortunately, my skills don't necessarily live up to my creative potential.  The ideas are there, but something seems to go wrong in the process in of bringing that idea to reality.  As a kindergarten teacher, my lack of ability means nothing to the little people in my life.  They see the beauty in every creation.

So imagine the anxiety I felt when I arrived at theatre camp for 44 first thru sixth graders and was told I was in charge of helping them to create their costumes.  No sewing machine.  No patterns.  No suggestions.  No help from other adults.  Just a tub of fabric scraps, a few pre-made items, scissors, and a bunch of needles and thread.  Oh, and I only had 90 minutes with each group during the week to make it happen.  (Where was my aunt Jolene when I needed her???)

These poor kids!  They looked to me help.  I looked back at them with panic in my eyes.  I wasn't sure what I had gotten myself into, but I knew I couldn't let the kids down.  I turned the tables back on them.  What do you want your costume to look like?  Dig into that fabric box and see what inspires you.

They came to me with their ideas.  They wanted vests, shirts, skirts, dresses, belts, headbands, capes, and hats.  I took the scissors and started cutting.  They gave me instructions as to where to cut.  I gave them needles and thread and showed them how to embellish their creations.  They came to me with ideas on how to make it bigger and better.  I helped them when they wanted help and stood aside when the didn't.  They blew me away with their creations.

In the end, we ended up with 44 very happy kids with very creative costumes.  They may have been a little rough around the edges, but the kids were ready to walk the runway with pride in their creations.  It was a reminder to me that it's not the finished product--it's finding enjoyment in the process that matters.

Maybe

Sometimes, it feels like people don't really hear what you are trying to say.  No matter how you phrase it, the thought in your head just doesn't seem to translate to what actually comes out of your mouth.  The person on the other side of the conversation interprets your words with a meaning that is completely foreign to you.  You keep trying, but you have now become so defensive in your quest for understanding that it seems impossible.  You feel defeated and frustrated.

But, maybe understanding isn't what you really need.  Maybe the point you are trying to make isn't really the goal.  Maybe it's enough to release those words into world, not in a quest for understanding and acceptance from others, but to find understanding and acceptance in yourself.

Ice Cream

Life has a funny way of taking over.  As adults, we all become so consumed by the responsibilities of life that we forget the incredible joy lurking in the little things.  Take ice cream, for example.  Remember when a cup of ice cream cream had this kind of effect:

Of course, being able to sit next to this little person in this moment tends to bring on a whole different kind of joy.

Change of Season

For me, winter started yesterday.  It was gray and gloomy, the trees were basically bare, and I had to break out my winter coat for recess duty.  It was not a happy day weatherwise.

Growing up in the midwest, you would think I would be prepared for such changes in weather, but I'm not.  I don't enjoy cold weather.  Cold weather brings extra layers.  Cold weather brings children who can't zip their coats.  Cold weather brings runny noses pressed up against the classroom windows looking longingly at the empty playground equipment.  It can be a sad time of year.

So I went home yesterday (after being eaten by plastic dinosaurs--occupational hazard) determined to break the beginning of winter blahs.  I started my little wood stove and watched the flames dance.  Suddenly, all the fun aspects of winter came flooding back.  The "special" toys reserved for the endless days of inside recess.  Baking bread in the classroom and filling the entire school with the smell.  Trying to catch the first snowflakes of the season on our tongues.  So many opportunities for new things.

So, maybe I won't have to hibernate until spring returns.  And, who knows, maybe I'll get a snow day or two .

Thanks Kids

For years, my only friends were my co-workers.  They are truly lovely people, but let's face it.  When your co-workers are you friends, you never really get away from work. 

But how do you make friends as an adult?  I looked at the kids in my classroom.  The answer became clear.  All you have to do is play.  You don't have to ask if you can play, too.  You just play and somehow the invisible walls crumble and suddenly you have a new friend.

I took a page from my kids' playbook and I went out to "play."  I revisited an old interest and started helping out backstage at the local community theatre.  I was scared and nervous, but I took a deep breath and did it anyway.  I didn't really have a clue what I was doing, but sometimes "playing" is the best way to learn.

That was a year ago.  Tonight, I was at a reunion party for a show I helped out with this fall.  As I sat there around the fire pit, I was glad I found enough courage to play.  So many people have entered my life during that time.  People I would never have met otherwise.  Some are friends, some are on their way to becoming friends.  But now I have a little refuge from the job I love allowing me to recharge my batteries. 

So, thanks kids, for reminding me to play.

Everyone Deserves a Massage

About a year ago, I began to see a massage therapist for ongoing pain in my neck and shoulder.  Spending the day with small children in chairs no taller than my knee tends to do this to a body.  There were some mental obstacles to overcome, but now it has become the one "luxury" I can not live without. 

Admittedly, I am not the kind of person who likes the thought of some stranger touching my body.  It's not so much the other person as much as it is those areas I so carefully decorate with clothing suddenly being exposed.  It's all I can do not to begin composing my letter of apology in my head as I lay there waiting under the sheet for my therapist to walk into the room!  But, once I let the bed warmer, the dim lighting and the soft background music take over,  I know I'm in for an hour of bliss.  Here are just a few reasons why:

1.)  It is physically impossible to do anything else when you are on the massage table.  You can't switch out the laundry or prep for the next day.  You have to just BE STILL.  In today's society, no one knows how to just BE STILL.  It took awhile for me to get used to this lack of activity, but now I look forward to the break from life every other week.

2.)  You connect with muscles you didn't know you had.  Sure, people say this when ever they restart some kind of physical activity, but in this case, I mean it.  I go in each time and describe to the therapist where the pain is, but always overlook something.  As she sends me into that uninterrupted daydream, she finds aches and pains I didn't know I had.  She then "fixes" them and I leave feeling oh, so much better!

3.)  I know no one is going to believe this one, but I actually feel taller when I leave the table.  No, I am not under some kind of delusion that my five foot four frame has suddenly grown three inches.  My theory is that my miracle therapist has relaxed all those muscles that have had me hunched over for two week allowing me to stand with correct posture again.  Regardless, it's an incredible feeling for someone who has gone through their whole life feeling short.

4.)  I believe the last one goes without saying--I leave the building in a state of complete relaxation.  I'm so mellow, I don't even mind writing the check for I secretly know I am the envy of everyone sitting in the waiting room!

So, do not postpone this experience any longer.  It may take a couple of times to overcome those mental stumbling blocks, but for those who are willing to open themselves up, the pay off is huge!

Explosion!

We all know that cans of soda that freeze often explode, but did you know that the force of said explosion can also pry open the door on little pink dorm-sized refrigerators?  I didn't know this either, so imagine my surprise when I walked into my classroom this morning.  Silver cans with their bottoms blown out sitting in puddles of brown sticky liquid surrounded by apples and cheese.  It was a mess! 

Instead of being frustrated by yet another problem to overcome in the morning, I found myself standing there in awe wishing I could have been there when the big moment happened.  Must be all the time I spend with kids.