I lost her. I knew the moment would come, but I wasn't ready for the most important grandma to go.
The grandmother who didn't know me, but would tell me the stories of her "Kasey."
The grandmother who didn't remember my face but could sense I was a safe person.
The grandmother who sat at my side as I slept, sick with the mumps. And the grandmother who made my request of a hot fudge sundae and French fries happen when I woke up.
The grandmother who allowed me to buy the tackiest Christmas decorations for my very own Christmas tree year after year.
The grandmother who gave me a cast iron skillet when she heard about my first "serious" boyfriend just in case he got out of line.
The grandmother who gave me my "wedding afghan" ten years ago because she didn't think she would live long enough to see me get married. (Ok, so she was right.)
The grandmother who reminded me there is a fine line between spunky and obnoxious. (Still not sure which side of the line I'm on most days.)
The grandmother who didn't complain when I changed my mind at the last minute and needed a custom dress for the school dance.
The grandmother whose eyes smile as she saw some of her memories in my house the first time she came to visit.
The grandmother who came to the first ever thanksgiving dinner in my home and parked herself in the middle of my kitchen full of praise and advice.
The grandmother who made me countless dresses, blankets,, and other pieces of clothing.
The grandmother I am most alike. The grandmother who was strong. I received so much strength from her. Somehow she was able transfer that to me without me noticing. My mother did the same. But with the strength of both these women behind me, I had no choice but to "succeed" whatever that definition was to me.
The grandmother who taught me so much. Being close to her and my grandfather geographically allowed me to interact with them on a regular basis. There were so many lessons learned, so many gifts passed, and so many ice cream cones eaten. Every one of my cousins were loved just as much. That was evident in the stories we heard after a trip. But those weekly interaction were priceless.
This post could go on and on. Grandma and Grandpa Mac were formative people in my life. What I owe them can not be expressed. I'm beyond grateful for what they did for me. I only hope I can pay it forward in some way.
Years ago, I packed away Grandpa's last pair of overalls. I don't know what I will ever do with them, but they are there in my office closet.
This week, I added Grandma's knitted gloves. The ones she created. The ones she wore. Again, I don't know what I will ever do with them. But there they are. In my office closet. In a box with Grandpa's overalls.
There is no ending to this post. Just a peaceful smile. One that is humbled by the love and lessons I received from two amazing people. To the rest of the world, they were a quiet farm couple. To me, they were, and always will be, two people who helped to shape who I am today.
My only goal is to make them proud.