Sunday, January 15, 2012

"You Can't Do That!"

I've always been a rather independent person.  I credit my parents.  As early as kindergarten, I began staying home by myself after school.  I was perfectly fine.  I would come home, make the mandatory phone call to my mom at work, and proceed to the adventures my imagination would create.   There was never a fear of being alone.  I knew I could take care of myself.

Unfortunately, my early sense of independence has also come with a dark side.  I can not handle being told, "You can't do that!"  All sense of rational thinking goes out the window.  The mere thought of someone else questioning my ability to overcome any challenge sends me into an intense defensive mode.  I become angry and become so focused on proving others wrong at all costs.  It's not that I have some false belief that I can do anything.  I know I have limitations.  But having someone else sense those limitations in me is unacceptable.

I've been pushed into the "You Can't Do That!" corner once again.  I have the challenge of developing an enitrely new program for kids with no money and only 30 minutes a week.  An overwhelming challenge?  Yes.  One that I feel is important?  Yes.

I attempted to talk out my thoughts with two people only to be told immediately, it can't be done.  Did they listen to my thoughts?  No.  Did they hear about the prep work I've already put into it?  No.  They heard the monetary and time constraints and shut me down. 

I allowed the anger to be there for awhile, but now it has become motivation.  I don't know how yet, but I will prove them wrong.  After all, it's for my kids.  Failing them is not an option.

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