Christmas Dinner for One--and I'm OK with That

It's Christmas.  It's a time for family.  It's a time for friends.  It's a time for tradition. 

The world we live in puts so much pressure on any holiday season--especially Christmas.  I bought into it for a long time.  Following my parents' divorce, I remember putting up the family Christmas tree by myself on Thanksgiving night.  It was tradition to put it up on that day, so I did it. 

And then there were the years where my brother and actually had six Christmas celebrations in a 24 hour period.  We were overwhelmed and shell-shocked, but we put on a happy face for everyone.  After all, that is what we were supposed to do.

I spent countless Christmas dinners with a friend's family. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but I did it because I wasn't supposed to be by myself on Christmas day.  I did these things (and many more) because that was what I was supposed to do.  I was going through the motions, but they didn't make me happy. 

I tried.  I really tried to fit into the standards society set for me.  I tried to make myself fit into the mold, but it didn't work. I didn't fit and I wasn't any happier for trying.

Christmas (whether you are religious person or not) should be a happy time.  It's so easy to get wrapped up in the things that society thinks you should do or thinks you should be or thinks you should have.  But why?  Why do we feel like the holidays are some kind of measuring device that determines where we fit according to society's standards.

For me, Christmas has become a time where I get the chance to reflect on the blessings in my life.  While I may not measure up to what the world expects of me, I am truly humbled by how truly blessed I am.  I have an incredibly wacky family that doesn't necessarily make sense to others, but loves me no matter what.  I have three beautiful, compassionate, and funny nieces.  I have a nephew who starts planning a Christmas Eve lunch with me 24 hours in advance.  I have a home that keeps me warm and is my safe haven.  I have friends who understand me and like me anyway. I have many, many outlets for my creative spirit.   And I have a healthy body that continues to serve me despite not being treated the way it should be.

So this evening, I will be having a turkey dinner for one.  I will get out my favorite dishes and open a bottle of my favorite wine for the occasion.  I will give thanks for all that this year has provided me.  I will send out my hopes and dreams and wishes.  And I will go to bed content with the life I am living today and dreams of what the future may have in store for me.

And that is enough.  That is more than enough.