Happy Half Year!

For some, it's that awkward period between Christmas and New Years.  For me, it bonus week!  I'm trying to convince myself that there are things I should be doing, but the relaxation (ok, lazy) factor is winning.

A new year is certainly a chance for all of us to start over.  Make a fresh start.  But this year is different for me.  It's a celebration of the last six months.

In June, I took big steps to figure out and "fix" what was wrong with me emotionally, physically, and mentally.  I wasn't in a horrible place.  I was just ready be feel happy again.  And it's working.

I let go of resentment from my past.  I take responsibility for things, but I also know that other's took advantage of my need for approval.  They were able to tell me I couldn't do things, or that my decisions were not okay.  They were able to manipulate me to do things when I didn't want to because I didn't want to upset anyone. 

I learned what it means to be assertive, but not mean.  I learned to listen to myself first.  I learned that other people's opinons should never dictate my life.  As Iris in The Holiday (my signature movie said) "I should be the leading lady in my own life!  I symbolically made this happen by standing up for myself and going on my first solo vacation.

I went through a lot of testing and medication to find out what is going on with my body.  A syndrome that there is no cure for, but it's not life threatening, especially if I take steps to follow a gluten free/low glycemic diet.  It's been tough but not impossible.  Now I have add the dreaded exercise aspect of this......

But I learned that I wasn't crazy.  I learned to listen to my body even when no one knows what is wrong.  I learned that some of the health/body issues I've been so frustrated about really are not my fault. 

Learning about this syndrome also helped me mentally.  Knowing that some of those body issues I struggle with are not my fault has gotten me one step closer to accepting myself and dealing with those body image issues. 

I learned to dress for the body I have, not the body I wish I had.  I've learned to start looking in the mirror again.  I can only do it for very short periods, but it's a step.  And I've learned that the only thing holding me back in finding confidence in my appearance is me. 

I'm still working on all of these things, but I have come a long way.  So as we get ready to change the calendar, I'm choosing not to think of it as a new year.  My new year happened one day in June.  I made "resolutions" for myself and I've kept them.  But my work is not done.  I get another six months to work on those resolutions.

So I will go and help celebrate the changing of the calendar, but my New Year's Eve will be in June.