Oh Insomnia! Oh how I wish you would just go away.
I've always been a bit of a "night owl." My poor mother (an early bird) would try her best to stay up with me, but couldn't do it. There was something magical about the ten o'clock hour--it would put my brother and mother asleep while reawaking everything within me.
I never understood. My mother and brother could simply go to sleep and then awake me with their annoying happy sounds first thing in the morning. It was pretty irritating.
For me, sleep has always been different. I can set the mood. I can wear myself out to the point of exhaustion. I can take warm baths, drink tea, and make my room a place of no light and no electronic devices.
It doesn't work.
On a good night, it only takes about 45 minutes to go to sleep. I consider it a blessings.
But most nights, it's a mental struggle. I review the day and think of all the things I did wrong. I worry about the upcoming day--Is everything ready? How am I going to mess up? what didn't I think of before hand?
So many regrets and worries fill my mind each night. I know the answer--if I could just sleep, I could handle things better. But my overactive mind just won't let this happen.
How do you fix this? How do you shut off your mind? How do you tell your brain that all those thoughts are relevant, even important--just not in the middle of the night?
I'm on medication to help me sleep, but it's not working like it is supposed to work. The meds are supposed to be fast acting/short term. For me, they are slow acting, long lasting. It figures.
So, here we are in the wee small hours of the morning. I can't sleep. I'm tired and exhausted, but I can't sleep.
What is a girl to do?