GUMPTION!

This blog started as a whim.  I was flipping though channels on TV  and happened upon one of my all time favorite movies.  I watched it and suddenly discovered I was Iris!  A woman who discovered that she was not the leading lady in her own life. With the help of an elderly neighbor, she finds her gumption and we are left assuming that she is on the path to becoming the leading lady she has always wanted to be.  I had to get the feelings I had out, so I opened my laptop and started this blog.

2012 was the year for me to start becoming the leading lady in my own life.  It was challenging in so many ways that those around me couldn't see because the struggle was within myself.  I knew I had that person somewhere deep inside me, but I had pushed her away so many times that I had to go find her again.  But, very slowly, she came back. 

It hasn't been easy.  When you have taken a backseat to the feelings and opinons of others for so long, there are going to be struggles in relationships.  It is a bit unfair to change who you are, but it's even more unfair to deny who you are to yourself. 

I have noticed similarities in the people who have struggled with the changes.  They are the people who have been the most critical of me in the past--as if my supporting role in their lives was more important than the role I held in my own life.  Some continue to struggle.  They continue to point out all my flaws and how my actions are interferring with their lives.  I approach them with as much compassion as I can, but I simply can't go back. 

So, my friends, this is the year of GUMPTION!  That single word has become my battle cry.  When I am feeling weak, I say this word quietly to myself.  Suddenly, I am reminded of all the lessons I have learned.  I know that others can only have power over me if I allow it.  I know that I am not perfect, but I am continuing to learn and grow every day.  I know that I have people around me who like me for who I am.

Most importantly, I know that I deserve to be the leading lady in my life.

Memories That Last a Lifetime

Back in 2011, I wrote about the power of the Gyro-Bowl.  Yes, it's fun.  Yes, it holds delicious treats.  Yes, spilling your delicious treats is a challenge.  But more importantly than that, it had the power to bring a smile to a teenage girl's face on a particularly challenging day.

This weekend, I found this particular item on the clearance rack.  How could this be???  An item that holds such precious memories on the clearance rack???  Obviously this must be a mistake! 

After the initial shock wore off, I realized that perhaps I was over reacting.  Ok, so it's really just a piece of colorful plastic.  Not everyone knows the magical powers it has.  It couldn't be manufactured forever.  The fact that I was taking this moment particularly hard was probably a sign that I need to relax more.  Maybe I was being overly sensitive.  But it still felt wrong. 

And then I texted my niece--the same niece who was with me on the day we discovered this wonderful yellow and blue giggle-inducing item.   She was a little calmer than her aunt, but this was our conversation via text:

Niece:  I bet they won't make anymore!!!!!  AHHHHHH
Me:  Does your's need to be replaced?
Niece:  Or just added to :)

The next day, I sent her a picture of the precious item I had purchased for her and received the following response:

Niece:  YAY!!!!  Love you bunches!

So, you see.  One impulsive purchase over a year ago provided a shared memory for my niece and I that will last a lifetime.  Life is like that.  You never know when the "little moments" in life will be the ones that are remembered the most.  The meaning of these little plastic bowls will be different for each of us, but it is something special between the two of us.  No one will ever understand the power of that moment, but I will always remember that day.

And, yes, I bought one for myself, too.

Last Year/This Year

Last year, I started a theatre class for our middle school students.  I had 30 minutes a week to pull off a one act play with 10 sixth grade students.  I was told not to attempt it. I was told it couldn't be done.  I did it anyway.  The kids worked hard.  They learned new things.  They had fun.  I would call it a success.

This year, I have 17 sixth and seventh graders for 60 minutes a week.  In addition to acting this year, they will be responsible for set design, props, lighting, sound, some costume work, and anything else that pops up along the way for our two one act plays this sememster. 

Last year, I pulled off what they said couldn't be done.  This year, I double my time but multiplied the goals by four. 

What can I say.  I love a challenge.

Family Lessons

Ahhhh....Saturday.  After the long week (who decided having our back to school night and our fun run back to back was a good idea anyway!), I had planned on devoting the day to as little movement as possible.  And then I was invited to go on a hike with the two little gals pictured above. 

I got dressed and followed them through the wooded area.  They were full of sassiness and giggles.  They had stories and jokes.  They turned a simple walk into an adventure.  And the lead the way the entire time.

It's impossible to describe how much I love my three nieces and my nephew.  Being their aunt is truly the most important, most rewarding, most fulfilling role I will ever have in my life. 

It also makes me a better teacher.

I have pictures of my nieces and my nephew in my classroom.  They aren't there to make me think of them.  I think of them all the time.  They are there as a reminder of the person I need to be. 

Every second I spend with kids in my classroom with kids, four of the most important people in my world are in classrooms with teachers.  I want those teachers to love them when they are hard to love.  I want those teachers to see the looks in their eyes and know what they need.  I want those teachers to embrace the quailities that make them special.  I want those teacher to know that every story (true or not) is important.  I want those teachers to just make them feel loved and respected. 

I look at their pictures and I am reminded of all the things I want for them.  I think of the two special boys in Colorado.  The sons of two of my cousins who are in kindergarten.  I become inspired.  I try each day to be the teacher that I want for the members my family.  There are days when I'm not going to succeed.  But my nieces and my nephew, the boys in Colorado, and the 35 individuals in my classroom help me to strive to be more.

So thank you, E and little b, for leading the way today.  No one loves you like I do!

The First Two Weeks

I've been back in kindergarten for two weeks.  Two very exhausting, very trying weeks.

The first morning brought me 17 little darlings.  They came in with their smiles, their excitement, and their take on the world approach to life.  They were followed by 18 equally wonderful bundles of energy in the afternoon.  And they all looked to me for everything.  The "where is" questions, the "how do I" questions, the "when can I" questions, and the "how come" questions.  I did my best to answer each and every one, but I'm sure some went unanswered.

I teach in a rather small school.  I am the only kindergarten teacher.  I am the only one who interacts with these kids daily.  I know they depend on me for all of their school needs, but I don't know them yet.  Unlike the other teachers in my school, I can't go to the teacher before me and get infomation about my kiddos.  More than the academic stuff.  The important stuff like what can turn tears into a smile and what makes them giggle. There is so much to learn about each and every one of those 35 kids.  I know it takes time.  I know it takes work.  But I want to know now. I don't want to waste a day.

We've learned a lot during the first two weeks.  They know my name.  They can now find their favorite toys.  They know where their math journals go.  They know what to do when they finish their work.  I know what books are their favorites so far.  I know who needs more time.  I know who needs help but won't always ask for it.  I know what some of the looks on their faces really mean. 

So, I've been back in kindergaten for two weeks.  Two very exhausting, very trying weeks.  And now the foundation has been set for a fantastic year.

little b

One evening not so long ago, the nieces and the nephew stayed at my house.  As I was tucking the youngest two in bed, little b decided the jammies she packed were too hot.  I gave her a freshly laundered t-shirt to wear.  Her response was, "This smells so good. It smells like you."

Since then, I can't do laundry without thinking about my little b.  Those same smells of laundry detergent and fabric softner that made her think of me now makes me think of a spunky little girl who can torment her siblings, who can wear out the adult around her, who can think way out side the box, and who can melt your heart with a smile.

No one loves you like I do, little b!  No one ever will.

Roller Coasters

Less than two weeks ago, my grandmother was admitted to the hospital.  Things didn't look good the day she was admitted.  And then she rallyed and returned to the nursing home.

Yesterday, she returned to the hospital.  The same infection took it's toll, but to a much greater degree.  They couldn't get a blood pressure reading.  She was in pain.  She couldn't speak.  She didn't recognize anyone. 

Today, I went to visit her.  She was tired and slept most of the time, but she was responsive.  She was alert.  She was feisty.

And so the roller coaster continues.  We wait.  We watch.  And we wonder what's coming up ahead.